Annia really knocked some sense into me.

For a fickle minded person like me, I really need somebody like Annia to talk to. Somebody who can actually tell me what I should prioritize on, what I should be working towards and what my goals are. Not just to tell me, but leave me room to ponder about these questions related to my future. Its my future.

The olevels are 6 months away, those few papers would decide who I'd be 10 years down the road. Anyway, back to the topic.



The greatest thing that is troubling me right now --
To go to Olomouc.. or not?



Whatever decision I make, I'm just very, very afraid that I'll regret it later on.

If I decide to go, my studies would be at stake. I'll have to stay back for, say, 3- 4 days a week to practise, return home all tired and beat up which results in me having no energy to study. My results would continue to be mediocre unless I can really find alot of energy, confidence and perseverance.

What I'd earn would be a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I'll see the still not too industrialised Europe, enjoy the arts and culture there with my friends.A trip to europe with a group of friends, that'll never happen ever again. never.


If I decide to not go, I'd definitely have more time in my hands. I'll find a way to force myself to concentrate so that my studies would improve. Given my current results, Its impossible for me to even get a place in TPJC. I highly doubt so. I'd have time to let the fact sink in: O'levels is just a few months away and I'm not ready.

BUT, I would really miss out on alot in terms of experiences. When the others return from the trip all joyous and triumphant, would I be able to not regret my decision at all? I'd most probably sit there for hours and whine. Why didn't I go then?




I mean, its really easy for most people to say "just go! there's not much time wasted! You won't ever have a chance like this again!" or "even if you manage to save the time, would you be studying?". I do appreciate your opinions, but point is, my future is in my hands. If I do badly for my O'levels, I wouldn't be able to get into a JC. Don't even have to talk about going overseas.

I'd go to Olomouc if there's only 1 practice a week. definitely. 2, i'll consider. 3....? That's the problem now. i REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to go to olomouc but what about my studies?

I'm in a dilemma. I have to decide by tomorrow and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm able to study even with intensive practices.


Help.



I still have other commitments or rather, activities. Art class (i still owe her work), tuition, remedials, choir. I also REALLY want to spend time with my friends too.




In the phone conversation, Annia also suggested that I go overseas to study in the future. All my life I've been thinking, "i'll study in NUS, stay in singapore and live in a safe and peaceful environment".

I'm not an adventurous person at birth; I like things steady and safe, free from harm and all trouble. Studying overseas..its really kind of dangerous and risky. But somehow, what Annia said really made sense. ALOT of sense.

Its obvious that my talents don't like in my IQ or my logical thinking. Do I even have much logical thinking in the first place?


That's why I suck in CHEM and MATHS. I can't do them for nuts. I hate them to the core too.

As for Art, Music, Humanities...Those are the things i really really love. I may not be the best or anything (wait, i really am not. far from that), but at least I enjoy them. I might be a blank sheet of paper when I'm in say, America, but the purpose I'm there..is to let others write things on me. To gain experience and to improve myself. Improve on what I'm better at.

From what I know, Singapore isn't really the best place for arts, and its totally understandable.



But that's for me to decide 3 years later. My job for now is just to work hard.





Basically, our 1 hour talked revolved around our studies and future. For that, thankyou annia. Really. Thanks ALOT.

you're the first person who really cared and really thought for me when I asked you for your opinions on the Olomouc trip. I felt so touched to know that you actually cared so much for me.

For respecting whatever decision I make, I'm really grateful for that. For helping me reason out what's most important to me right now, there's nothing I can give for such a great friend like you. Thanks for always offering help in my studies, I really need to study with you everyday!

Thanks for ALWAYS being there to solve my problems when i'm in need. When I'm feeling down, or when I have an important decision to make, the first person I think of is you. I'm sorry that I've not been such a great friend to you like you've been to me. I'm sorry i can't really solve your problems, but i'll always be supporting you no matter what.


For being my best friend for the 4th year now, thankyou so much. Its from the bottom of my heart.



♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥


Choir elections were held today, all the best to the next batch!





I'm still in a dilemma. I think I'll regret whatever decision i make, but I'll try not too.

i shall not be fickle x 10000.




I've also changed so much, I realised that when I heard the nominees speak today.
Not long ago, I was a quiet girl, shy and everything. Right now, I'm not exactly afraid of speaking infront of a crowd anymore;

but I've realised that I'm becoming more insensitive, direct and self centered. self centered.

I'm trying to look for another change in me




TAGREPLIES

16april
isabel: i missed sex education for some NE test. but it was in a form of a game, so it wasn't so bad.
{HAHAHA your class was supposed to have it with me. are you kidding that game sucks to the mazxzxz}

17april
fish: im not mushy mama.. i say i love you because im kou shi xin fei wen it comes to you. ahaha..
{hahahha why kou shi xin fei when it comes to me? :D i know you love me though! thanks for loving me! :D}

peixuan: hey mama!! jiayou for chem!! i teach u larh. $100 per min. very cheap. =))) heee. and wow. SEX EDUCATION. =) heee. something worth looking forward to. =)))) hahaha.. =D
{hey xuanxuan! THANKYOU! hahahaha you can teach me sec 3 moles and QA if you live :D cheap your head, person who likes collecting money :D hahaha YUP LOOK FORWARD TO IT ^_^ and you did a good job today, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU DEAR!}

18april
Ray other: wth... got imposter... bleh last post wasn't by me... haha anw don't emo le! jiayou
{haha yeah i know ^_^ k i'm not emo i just don't know what decision to make AHHH}

BEL: HELLO EMMA! ;D
{HELLO ISABELLL! ;D}

anon: havent been here for a wayyy long time haha
{hahaha yupppp i think so too! :D how old are you, sec four? and i think the video's coming soon ^_^}